Why I Don’t Start with Goals
For a long time, I was stuck in the mindset that coaching had to begin with goal setting.
Every training, every model, every book insisted on it. So I dutifully asked clients to name their big, bold goals at the start of our work together. And almost every time, it felt… flat. Like we were going through the motions of doing the “right” thing, but the energy wasn’t there.
If I’m honest, the goals often felt false. Not because people weren’t ambitious or genuine, but because the goals were shaped by old ways of thinking. They were filtered through tired beliefs, inherited expectations, and patterns people didn’t even realise they were carrying.
It’s like redecorating a house without first stepping back to notice the cracks in the walls or the rooms you never actually use. You end up pouring effort into making something look nice, without asking whether it’s the home you really want to live in.
The truth is: when we start a coaching program or start learning something new, we don’t know what we don’t know.
How can we possibly map out a brand-new future while standing in the same old shoes?
I’ve come to realise the importance of working with awareness and insight before action.
Slowing down. Paying attention. Observing ourselves honestly. This isn’t passive. It’s some of the most powerful work we can do.
Because as awareness grows, clarity starts to take shape. You see what lights you up, what drains you, what you’ve been tolerating that no longer deserves a place in your life. You also get to meet parts of yourself you may have buried or ignored. The values that matter most. The spark that’s been dimmed. The boundaries you’ve been craving.
And it’s from this place that real goals emerge. Goals that don’t feel like heavy obligations or someone else’s script, but like natural next steps. Outcomes that are aligned with who you actually are, not who you thought you had to be.
The coaching process doesn’t just help you achieve goals. It uncovers your deepest, most desired aspirations.
Learning to listen to the wisdom beneath intellect
Despite pushing forward with what I was learning, this deeper insight, that something wasn’t quite right, was always there. It felt like we were rushing into goal setting before we were ready… but I allowed my intellect to override my inner wisdom.
I know from experience how easily relying only on intellect and reason can take us in the wrong direction. Our minds are brilliant at rationalising, structuring, and making things neat, but they can also drown out the subtler truths we carry. The ones that live in our bodies, in the texture of our emotions, in how our energy flows, or doesn’t flow.
Tuning into this deeper wisdom takes practice. It asks us to listen differently. To notice the subtle ‘no’ energy through signals in our tension, our breath, our patterns of fatigue or spark. That’s the work I now do through my Embodied Insight Coaching: helping people connect with the wisdom that runs deeper than thought, so that what they choose next is aligned and true.
Take a moment to reflect
Pause and think about the goals you’ve been setting. They could be goals you’ve set for work, in your relationships, health goals, or personal growth.
Did those goals genuinely come from you, or were they shaped by what you thought you should want?
If you achieved them, did they bring the satisfaction you imagined?
How aligned were those goals to who you truly are?
Rather than focusing on goals and outcomes, give yourself time and space to simply notice:
What feels heavy or constraining in your life right now?
What feels alive, exciting, or nourishing?
What patterns or expectations might you be ready to question?
You don’t need to have an answer today. Noticing is enough to start the shift.
Sometimes the most life-changing goals are the ones that quietly reveal themselves.
An invitation
If any of this resonates with you, if you’ve been chasing goals that feel hollow, or pushing forward while something inside you whispers there’s another way, know that you’re not alone.
The work I do through Embodied Insight Coaching is about creating space to slow down, listen differently, and connect with the deeper signals of your body, your energy, and your emotions. From there, the path forward starts to make more sense. Not because it’s written in a neat five-step plan, but because it feels aligned, grounded, and true.
If you’re curious to explore this for yourself, reach out. I’d love to hear from you.
